Hatred
by Kirinin
Summary: He had spent most of his life as a stranger who passed unseen through the lives of others: there, then gone, silent as a spirit. He’d wandered through the reception only half aware of himself, of his bowtie and the atmosphere, both stealing his air.


Ryoga understood what it meant to be in a crowd but still feel alone.  He had spent most of his life as a stranger, a boy who passed unseen through the lives of others: there, then gone, silent as a spirit.  Leaving no mark.  But he'd never felt quite as deserted as today.  He'd wandered through the reception only half-aware of himself, of his bowtie and the atmosphere, both stealing his air.  Food was pressed into his hands, and drink.  They remained there untouched.

'It' had finally happened.  At long last, rings were exchanged, vows made, a kiss... He'd been sure that someone would object, but even Nabiki was snapping photos and smiling indulgently at the couple whose romance was unstoppable, only gaining impetus as time passed, like an avalance.

And they had swept everyone up in their path.  Shampoo and the Chinese contingent, the Kunos, Ukyo and himself had all been pulled inexorably into Akane and Ranma's tsunami until they were all dizzy and directionless – and moving in circles.  He wondered rather idly where the storm would deposit Shampoo and Ukyo especially.  He glanced over at the pair and found that, to his surprise, the two were holding hands.  Their sudden reconciliation was strange, but then – with nothing left to fight for – what was the point?  Shampoo's head was hung low with shame and sadness.  Ukyo offered a reassuring squeeze, tightening her grip on the other girl's hand.  _I'm here_, Ukyo was silently telling her.  After a moment, Shampoo lifted her gaze a fraction and smiled timorously.  Ryoga felt the distance between he and the two grow until his heart hurt.

How had the two of them pulled it off, this _actual wedding_?  He knew the trick the two had played on _him_.  Akane had told him of it gently but firmly, her eyes deep and wise and kind, speaking in that way that told him he mattered.  Ryoga's mind was running down a well-worn path concerning revenge when Akane ended the conversation – with a plea.

"You must resolve things with Ranma," she told him.  "You're one of my best friends, Ryoga, and I can't have a friend who fights with my husband all the time."  A maidenly blush accompanied the word 'husband'.  "Please speak with him."

Resolve?  There was no resolution to a battle with Ranma!  Half the time there was no real winning or losing, since many of their fights were halted mid-way.  Besides, revenge _had_ no resolution.

When Ryoga finally cornered Ranma near the Tendo's pond one evening, the other boy seemed already fidgety and half-apologetic, which derailed Ryoga's original battle plan: accusing Ranma of never making a good enough husband for Akane.  Even seeing Ranma fidgety and half-apologetic was enough to shock Ryoga – he'd only seen Ranma being this nice when under the influence of a certain fishing rod.

After Ryoga explained his general purpose in coming, Ranma's reactions surprised him even further.  For a moment, Ranma looked utterly stricken.  "You want me to forgive you?  Akane sent you?" he demanded distractedly.

Ryoga nodded, but intimated once again (and for Ryoga, 'intimated' equals 'stressed') that Akane was behind the entire business, and he really wanted no part in it.

Ranma paused.  "I was never really angry," he said haltingly, as though thinking for once before he spoke.  "I... I kept wanting to apologize, but then you'd do something that annoyed me, you know?"

Ryoga stared at him blankly.

"I know you don't really mean it," Ranma went on, either ignorant of Ryoga's lack of response or ignoring it.  "You ain't sorry—but that's okay.  I don't mind."  Ranma smiled at him, a grin, really, charming and lopsided. 

Ryoga turned and bolted.  Or he would have, if he could move.

"So... accepted.  D'_you_ forgive _me_?"

"Okay," Ryoga found himself replying.  Had he just _said_ that?  Ryoga half-sat, half-collapsed onto the grassy turf, as Ranma casually lobbed a small stone into the pond, quite disturbing the koi.  For the next half-hour, Ryoga stared alternately at the pond and the pigtailed martial artist beside him, wondering how it was he had mismanaged things so badly.  Misunderstood them?  Maybe.  Or maybe love changed a guy, once accepted.

After Ryoga had left, he began to come back to himself.  The magic of the moment dispelled, Ryoga was certain that Ranma was tricking him again.  Ranma would treat him just the same way as he always had.

That was when Ryoga came up with Brilliant Plan No. 225.  While Ranma yelled at him, insulted him and treated him like dirt, _he_ would show Akane what a real man was like by being a perfect gentleman.  It wasn't too late to change things.

But the strange thing was, the nicer he acted to Ranma, the warmer the other martial artist was in return.  Being nice to Ranma was almost its own reward – Ryoga officially became the fourth freeloader in the Tendo home, receiving free food, room and board, and kindly affection as though the Tendos believed these things were his God-given right.  He even began to attend school again, and for a brief, scintillating couple of weeks Ryoga thought he was happy.  The only spectre looming over that happiness was the immense number of wedding details that demanded Ranma and Akane's attention and served to send him into a perennial despair.

When the day arrived, Ryoga stared moodily at the floral arrangements until Akane began to glide down the aisle.  Then he watched the two of them – Akane's shining eyes, fathomless as Ryoga's situation – Ranma's expression of dawning wonder – and he felt an emotion rise inside of him, strong, bittersweet, and indefinable.

For the first time, Ryoga's soul beheld the situation from the outside.  And for one brief moment, he forgave Ranma, and wished Akane happiness, and offered the world a smile it had never seen.  He smiled dazzlingly at them, handed the rings to Ranma with a cheerful solemnity and watched the judge state the vows.

Waiting for the objection which never came.  And it was then that a deafening voice informed him he'd just lost the battle of his life – that he was a hanger-on at a party which had just ended.  His former acceptancce was swept away with a rush of ice-cold.  They were married.  It was _OVER_.  Slowly, he shut down, feeling the fool.  It was Ranma's ultimate, final deception, that kindness.  It was worse than any of his taunts.

When Ryoga reached for the hate that had sustained him, there was nothing there.


End file.
